Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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