So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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