I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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