I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
