They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
