yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you had me at cake vodka
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
