My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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