There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
