just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
