Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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