sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
