Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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