just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
