I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Of course I have a pirate flag
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
