the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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