WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
