the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
