I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
