I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
