but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
