you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
