addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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