Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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