Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
