Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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