I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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