I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
