He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
