Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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