Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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