Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
