Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
