i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
