I hate all girls vehemently.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
