Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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