i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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