i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
