He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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