I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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