There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
