that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
