Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
