you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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