party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
