woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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