I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
