So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
