I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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