There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
