: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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