Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
