You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
